World Cup Action….
The United States sucks at Futbol. We suck at soccer, too.
Baseball Action….
The Cubs suck at baseball. I have to blame Dusty Baker. He’s the manager, that’s his job. To take blame. I want his job, i want his head on a pike. (Unless they start winning again)
TV Show Master of Champions…..
This show sucks. All week I’ve been watchin these clips of the contortionist chick shooting a bow and arrow with her feet, and then I finally see it, and it’s pretty cool. But the show is gay. It’s much like ‘Who wants to be a millionaire” in that it takes them a whole hour to get through like, 8 questions, whereas on Jeopardy, you get 61 questions in 30 minutes. They COULD’VE filled this show with all the amazing feats shown to us in the ad spots, but instead, they millionaire it. GAY. And why they gotta have a ditzy cunt-rag on every show now who has very important opinions but couldn’t articulate her point if her life depended on it?
Blogging…..
Why the hell is it so hard to make the time to do this stuff? I know there are Cats out there who be doin this shit religious-like, ereday and junk, but I can’t get motivated. The only thing that keeps me goin is the hope that my discoverer lies in wait out there, just moments away from making me a household name for my wit and excellent sense of comedic timing. (I’ll also need to become quite wealthy, as well.)
RollerSkating Rinks……
Went with the kid to her School Skate-Nite tonight. Ugh. They had 2 snot-nosed little bitches workin the snackbar, slower than a Freak Blog Post. I waited in this fucking line for 15 minutes, and when I finally reach the head, I am told that the pizza won’t be ready for another 15 minutes, and I’ll have to wait in line again? FUCK THAT. I told the little shit that I would be visiting her right up front here art her register just as soon as the pizza comes out the oven, and that she would be presenting me with a slice like I was humanitarian of the fucking year. Do something! What!
Dumb Jokes…..
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, “What is this, a Joke?”
Sex Tips…..
When your girl, who likes to be slapped and spanked on the ass during, is straddled atop you, grinding on your junk, the slapping of said ass may NOT be advisable. I was doing this the other day, and due to the limited visibility, managed to SLAP MYSELF IN THE SACK. Needless to say the sex was postponed. Please, please people, don’t make my mistakes. Learn from your old Uncle Freak. The flaming belly trick is one of the WORST obstacles on the road to orgasm.
Books….
More specifically, Haunted, by Chuck Palahniuk. I’ve only just begun, but lemme tell ya, read the one about the boy who puts a thin peice of wax into his urethra whilst jerkin it, to heighten climax, only to have it work down too far and get stuck in his bladder. Or the one about a boy who liked to jack it at the bottom of his pool while sitting on the pump inlet, so it will suck at his ass, who then gets stuck one day, and tries to swim to the surface, and prolapses his anus and then has to chew off his large intestine to reach the air and breath again. Dude. The Man has pushed the envelope once again. Dude.
Anyhow, as always I hope my words have been of some comfort, and if they are nnot, you are invited to jam a wax stick in your peehole, eh?
XOXO
~FreAk
