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Have you ever taken a good hard look at yourself?  Looked in like a pitcher in a pinch?  Waiting for the catcher to flash you a sign?  Only, what do you do when the catcher flips you off?  What happens when the sign which you eagerly await is not forthcoming?  You must wing it.  What do you do when you mistakenly think there’s going to be sex in the champagne room?  What happens when you forget your sunscreen?  Do you burn?  Can you outrun the sun?  How come airplanes have floatation devices and not parachutes?  Are matresses ever NOT on sale?  When dealing with stewed prunes, are 4 enough?  Are 5 too many?  Ever wanna punch somebody that you couldn’t ever possibly punch?  Has anyone ever asked ALL the right questions?  Is it REALLY gonna take a lotta love? 
    The easy answer to the above is, of course, 42.( thank you Mr. Adams) Seriously, ever have a dream about a guy you work with demo’ing a new jetpack in a field mixed with scores of your friends from high school and porn stars, where there is a snack bar but no beer?  Or the one about how you had to shoot two people you work with, but only because you heard their radio chatter discussing how YOU had to be neutralized, and then you desperately prayed for the wounds to be superficial so you might keep your job? 
Ever have a dream that you dreamed a dream you’d dreamed before, but hadn’t, or did you?  Ever feel like you were on drugs when you weren’t?  Ever wish you had a McDonalds in your closet?  Ever wonder why it is that you can never seem to remember what you want to remember until you don’t wanna remember it anymore?  How come people never get the hint?  Why is it that people won’t use turn signals to change lanes, when it might be useful, but will turn them on when they’re already in a turn lane and you know they’re turning anyhow?  Why is it that your friends always leave the party before you and call you to warn you about a checkpoint, and you drunkenly drive there anyway to see if he was serious?
     Ever wanna tie your ears in a bow and throw’em o’er your shoulder?  Ever hate inane rambling?  Can Coca Cola REALLY do all the shit that email claimed it would?  Why are we here?  Is everything part of Hurley’s dilusion?  Did that bird REALLY say his name?  Does your breath really smell, or is that your hand?  Did Billy Joel make a Faustian deal for all those songs?  Is this stupid rant ever going to end?  Methinks it will.

This woman just takes my breath away. There’s a whole gallery of this lovely woman for your perusal on Flickr.

Fuck computers suck! Wood’s bitch ass ushers me into the next millenium, gets me online, and then gets pissy when I don’t produce? What the fuck. That’s like giving a pothead heroine, and then being mad that the laundry didn’t get done. I’m getting my sea legs, as it were. Learning how to use my computer is a fulltime job! It’s not easy trying to download ALL the music and porn on the internet. I’m sposed to ALSO be learning how to use all this retarded software too? Whatever, talk to my hand.

So, what I HAVE figured out is that The Cubs are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Today they lost their 6th game in a row, and they have been outscored 48-6 in their last 8 games. Why? No pitching. Why? No hitting. Why? No defense. Why? Because if there IS a god, I’m convinced he hates me. Oh well. Just wait til next year, as we cubfans say.

Yesterday I went to the Apple store and had to buy a buncha cables to make my computer screen show up on my TV screen, so BBG and I can watch all the episodes of LOST without having to huddle around a tiny laptop screen. Cost me 50 bucks and I still hafta buy an S video cable. What a fuckin racket computers are. The same people who set that up also own controlling interest in foreign oil. Fuck I hate keeping up with the Joneses.

Know how I spent my day today? At work, hardly working. Watching TV. And Porn. Yes, I capitolized Porn. I almost feel guilty picking up my paycheck sometimes. Almost.

Why am I still writing when I clearly have nothing of interest to say? Um,…….

“When a man donates sperm, he needs to take into account all the facts. Those facts may be crucial. Once all the information has been weighed, it is important that regardless of your decision, you have a spatula. A good one. If you have to ask why, you’ve obviously never been to Boulder, Colorado.”

~Freak

And isn’t he just so darned cute when he’s acting like a retarded, oversexed, orangutan?

In all seriousness folks, I’m pleased that Freak could be with us today… Actually, no, that’s not right. I really couldn’t care less. This is really about Flock, the new browser that I’ve had my eye on for awhile. It’s very much a beta, but it’s a beta with promise. If you’re anything like me, you use a small set of tools to manage your online presence. Me, I’ve got it down to just three: NetNewsWire, ecto, and FireFox. Of the three, Firefox is kind of the red-headed stepchild of the bunch. Not that I dislike FireFox, au contraire, I like it very much, thank you, it’s just that the web-kit based browser in NetNewsWire is adequate for most of my browsing needs and, crucially, it’s already there. No modal change, you dig?

Anyway, as I was saying, though this trio works well for me, I dearly long to simplify even more. Wouldn’t it be great if I could browse, blog, and share all in one app? That’s the promise of Flock. Flock starts with a browser built on the same bones that support Firefox and adds in: social bookmarking (del.icio.us, Shadows), online photosharing (flickr, Photobucket) and blogging. In fact, I’m composing this post in Flock right now.

I’ve had my eye on Flock for some time, as I said, but up until this build, Flock absolutely refused to post to either of my blogs. Thankfully that’s changed and I intend to spend the next few days putting Flock through the wringer. While I’m always on the lookout for things to simplify Freak’s online education (damn kids these days! I remember back in the day, when a 28.8kbps dialup was "wicked fast." We had our own internet back then. We called it Fidonet and we liked it.) but, since Flock’s still a beta—actually I think it’s still a dev preview, so not even a beta, I’m a little loathe to unleash it on the kid. What do you think? So far it seems pretty stable…

At any rate, Freak mumbled something earlier in the week about stopping by in the near vain attempt to hoover up some crumbs of knowledge that might happen to fall from my great, uh, cake-y…. cake of… knowledge. Or something. I want to work on some podcast issues, mainly, but perhaps I’ll lay this on him. Stay tuned folks.

technorati tags: geek, tools, blogging, flock

Did anybody hear that? That whining? Kinda sounded like a 6 year old girl being told “no”? Eh, either way….Anyhow, lemme get you up to speed on me….Let’s see, this morning i woke up to a badass blowjob, then, instead of using that to wake me up so I can fuck HER, today she let ME be the girl and just lay there. Very nice. Then we went out to breakfast and I had a hamsteak so big I couldn’t finish it. The toast was sourdough. Also, I am currently reading a book. It’s incredible. A page-turner I can’t wait to finish. In the last chapter this dude was chasing this other dude, so good. Work was cool yesterday. Went by fast and I hardly had to bust my ass. My truck is very dirty. It needs a wash. I’ll probably do that one day. I also gotta clean my house today. There are clothes everywhere. I’m watching Knight Rider right now. Hasselhoff was a pimp. That car makes funny noises that I like. They make my buttcheeks tingle. I put pictures of my dick on the net. Search Google using the keywords freak and cock. Should pop right up. We just got back from breakfast and she wanted more sex, so I put her up on the bathroom counter and rammed it home, then sent her off to work and I’m gonna go take a nap on the couch and then wake up sometime later. I wish pretzels came in other shapes besides the twist, the stick, the log, the nugget, the square grid, and the occasional circle. Ok, so I guess they make enough shapes, but c’mon, wouldn’t a pretzel cube be neat?

F

“The caramel sauce of a man is his need to want to will himself to belong to a cult. If and when this is acheived, only then may he begin to build his sunday backwards, with the ice cream coming last. Unless he was making caramel apples, in which case, disregard the previous statement.”

~Freak

Looks like my recent public busting of Freak’s nuts has gone unanswered. Let’s try this: PunkPodRadio is a brand, spanky new podcast from two chicks in Ontario who play, strangely enough, punk rock on their podcast. Go figure. I haven’t listened to it yet, but I tagged in in del.icio.us for Freak, both because he enjoys punk music and because he was so snotty about my last lineup of music for the podcast that I have named him official music director from here forward.

Still waiting for some tunes, btw.

So, let’s see if this gets a reaction (I’m not waiting up).

Oh and in totally unrelated news, RocketBoom is on TiVo now. Is it me, or is Amanda Congdon not the hottest damn geek chick you’ve ever seen?

So, if you’ve been paying attention (and, given our freakishly long absence from podcasting, I mean, why would you? But I’m gratified that you are) you know that I’ve got a brand new axe (my MacBook Pro. I call her Vera) and Freak is now using my old PowerBook. I had hoped that this would open up all sorts of possibilities, like a virtual studio for our podcasts, freeing us up from the significant constraint of having to be in the same room, and possibly getting Freak to blog.

I really had the hope for Freak catching the blogging bug, I mean, how could it fail? He’s funny, reads more than I do—which is saying something folks—he even reads real books (without pictures, even!) that have nothing to do with Star Wars and shit. And, get this, he even keeps a diary journal (at least he did last I checked). So blogging should be second nature to him.

Only thing is, it’s taking a christly long fucking time for me to get in touch with his inner nerd. I mean, what the fuck, man? Seems like all he wants to do is download porn, download music, and play fantasy fucking baseball. Holy shit.

I’ve tried schooling him in the finer things ‘Net, like Bittorrent, RSS, del.icio.us, hell, just leaving a chat client open so I don’t have to go get my phone just to send him and interesting link. Folks, it’s like throwing shit at greased glass: nothing fucking sticks.

Okay, I’m bitching and I’m probably not being all that fair—not that you read (or listen) to hear me be fair to Freak, right? I’m sure he’ll catch up soon enough. Or maybe he’ll download all the porn in the free world first, I don’t know, but until then let’s try an experiment: I’m going to link a porn site that I just know he’ll be all over and we’ll see how long it takes him to find it. If nothing else I’ll know that he’s not watching the blog and I’ll have something new to bust his balls over.

So, here’s your link to Petite Teenager (tiny tits, mostly no shoes). Clock’s ticking.